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    Recipes N' Shit

    Jell-O: A really fucking fun food

    Jell-O: A really fucking fun food

    International Jell-O Week is almost here!


    This is a post in Bad Grandma’s Recipe Hell collection of odd and fun recipes from yesteryear. Read on to see the recipes and learn how you can get a free Bad Grandma dishtowel if try these recipes for yourself.

    Yes, folks, International Jell-O week starts soon.* In 2022, the celebrations run from February 13 to February 19, 2022.

    *This is a real event. It was started by the Utah State Legislature in 2001. Also, people from Utah really love their Jello: The state has the largest consumption of the stuff in the country. Take that, Midwesterners.

    So that you can go all out this year, Bad Grandma has dug out not one but three gelatin-based recipes from her 1971 Betty Crocker Recipe Card Collection® so that you can add some wiggle and jiggle to your meals.

    Okay, sure, some of these recipes are kinda weird to modern sensibilities. And the recipe’s authors can’t seem to resist plopping something creamy on top of them, but that’s a small price to pay for a meal that barely requires you to chew.

    Grandma has picked out a vinegary tomato aspic, a cucumber "lime" side salad, and some fluffy pink thing for dessert. Mmmm, mmm. Scroll to the bottom of this post to see the recipes in detail.

    Try any of these recipes and win a free dishtowel

    If you’re thinking: “Fuck yeah, I want to eat more Jell-O!” then you are the kind of food adventurer Bad Grandma loves.

    If you make any of these gelatin foods and send me photos, I’ll send you a free Bad Grandma dishtowel of your choice - one for each recipe you make. You are also free to alter the recipe some to make it easier or more pleasant for your palate. I’ll still send you the towel.

    Or, if you have some retro Jell-O dish that’s a family favorite at your house, make it and send a pic and the recipe. Grandma will hook you up with a towel for that too! Just send your photos and contact info to grandma (at) badgrandmadesigns.com. I can’t wait to post your rubbery creations.

    Hugs and wiggles,
    Bad Grandma

    The recipes

    Jello Cucumber salad
    Jello cucumber salad instructions

     

    Pink Jello dessert
    Pink Jello dessert instructions

     

    Retro tomato aspic
    Retro tomato aspic instructions

     


    Bad Grandma reserves the right to end this recipe challenge at any time. But I’ll announce it before I do 😊.

     

    Recipe Hell UPDATE: Steph's Pink Green Goddess Soup

    Recipe Hell UPDATE: Steph's Pink Green Goddess Soup

    Check this shit out!


    This article is about one Bad Grandma fan's experience with making one of Bad Grandma’s Recipe Hell recipes: The Pink Green Goddess Soup. Read on to learn how Steph made this dish AND earned herself a free dishtowel.

    ~Below is Steph's account of her cooking of the soup. I hope you'll enjoy the read as much as I did! Steph says:

    Hope this note finds you well, and not worn out. I decided to make one of your Recipe Hell recipes last night for dinner. The freaky, funky and very fucked up looking Pink Green Goddess Soup. My picture doesn’t do the strangeness justice, LOL. And it was hard to get the picture lighter under my kitchen light, unfortunately.

    As for the pink color, well it was pink in the blender BEFORE adding in the celery and chiles. The milk makes it pink. But once you add the celery and chiles it looks more like thick Calamine Lotion, with chunks. Not like the pretty picture you posted. Adding the sour cream just makes the soup colder (it says not to boil it but heating it on medium doesn’t get it hot enough when you’re going to add a ½ cup of something cold). We had to warm it up in the microwave. I added cheese to the top and put it in sourdough bread bowls, thought it would be more pretty for presentation. I think I was mistaken. The cheese added thickness to it, and was an asset. I did taste it before adding it, it was still good without.

    One of the alternate ways of trying it said to make it cold. I don’t think I’d recommend it cold. Just stick to the normal cold soups and leave this one out.

    All in all, it was good. We ate everything that was in our bread bowl and ½ our bowls. Neither of us (hubby nor me) had 2nds, which did leave a lot of extra left over. I don’t think I’d make it again, but I am glad we tried something new.

    ~Thanks again Steph. I all admire your tenacity and courage to attempt to make a pink food. 

    Do you think you have what it takes?

    Bad Grandma suspects that one hasn’t truly lived until having eaten pink soup. So if you make a bowl of it and send me photos, I’ll send you the free Bad Grandma dishtowel of your choice. (Just like Steph!)

    As always, if you want to alter the recipe some to make it easier or more pleasant for your palate, go right ahead – I’ll still send ya the towel. 

    Just send your photos and contact info to grandma (at) badgrandmadesigns.com. I can’t wait to post your souptastic creations.

    For the love of all that is pink,
    Bad Grandma

    UPDATE!

    Steph received her towel prize ("Say Perhaps To Drugs") in the mail after submitting her entry. She was kind enough to send in a photo (love you Steph!). You too can submit your take on a Recipe Hell meal to earn a free towel!

     

    Recipe Hell: Pink Green Goddess Soup

    Recipe Hell: Pink Green Goddess Soup

    Ha ha ha ha what is this?


    This is an entry into Bad Grandma’s Recipe Hell collection of wacky fun recipes from yesteryear. Read on to learn how you can get a free Bad Grandma dishtowel if you make this recipe for yourself.

    The photo above is just a guess of what Pink Green Goddess soup looks like because the original cookbook has no picture with it. Bad Grandma has no freaking idea what this stuff looks like or what could have led the cookbook authors to think this was an appetizing name for a bowl of soup.

    Pink Green Goddess Soup

    That being said…this shit is probably pretty good though. Tomato, green chiles, sour cream – those are like Bad Grandma’s three essential food groups.

    But note the oddity here. This recipe calls for condensed “cream of tomato soup,” which is…what exactly? After a cocktail-fueled internet search, Grandma found this stuff on campbells.uk. It looks like cream of tomato is a thing sold in the UK and, uh, it’s only vaguely tomato colored though the site promises it is “full of flavour.”

    Here in the U S of A, we have Campbell’s condensed tomato soup... so feel free to use it in this recipe if you make it. Besides, the ½ cup of sour cream is gonna cream it up good anyhow.

    Variety is the spice of pink soup apparently

    Let’s talk about the variations at the bottom of the recipe.

    Adding cheese sounds great (unless you are lactose intolerant or vegan at which point this whole recipe is a nightmare.)

    BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CORN?! This addition makes Bad Grandma pause. Corn-studded pink soup sounds like it would be hard to choke down, no matter how good it might taste.

    Also. The cauliflower garnish. What.

    You know you want to make this pink shit, don't you.

    Bad Grandma suspects that one hasn’t truly lived until having eaten pink soup. So if you make a bowl of it and send me photos, I’ll send you the free Bad Grandma dishtowel of your choice.

    As always, if you want to alter the recipe some to make it easier or more pleasant for your palate, go right ahead – I’ll still send ya the towel. (Like, maybe add in just a fuckton of corn.)

    Just send your photos and contact info to grandma (at) badgrandmadesigns.com. I can’t wait to post your souptastic creations.

    For the love of all that is pink,
    Bad Grandma

    P.S. This recipe was sent to us by Jean B. who has a great 80s cookbook full of strange and wondrous vintage foodstuffs. Bad Grandma will be sending Jean a free dishtowel of her choice as a thank you.

    If you have a fun vintage recipe, send it along. If we use it in Recipe Hell, Bad Grandma will send you a free dishtowel too!


    Bad Grandma reserves the right to end this recipe challenge at any time. But I’ll let everyone know before I do 😊. Photo credit: Sandi Clarke on Upsplash

     

    Recipe Hell: Green Bean Bunwiches

    Recipe Hell: Green Bean Bunwiches

    For that person who just really fucking loves green beans.


    This is an entry into Bad Grandma’s Recipe Hell collection of strange and fun recipes from yesteryear. Read on to learn how you can get a free Bad Grandma dishtowel if you make this recipe for yourself.

    Green beans are the star of the show in this recipe, as a topping in an unconventional sandwich. Shit is about to get weird, people.

    The creator of this sandwich must have been high. Very high.

    Bad Grandma imagines that this recipe starts with a food writer, let’s call her Joyce.

    One day in 1970, Joyce gets an assignment from the executives of General Mills: “Make something new with sloppy joes!” (For those of you not alive during the 70s, everybody ate sloppy joes all the time. It was a very sloppy joe-friendly decade.)

    That night, Joyce is at home. She’s kicked off her wedgie sandals, is having her second glass of jug wine and – from the looks of the final product – smoking more than one joint. She sits there, thinking: “This sloppy joe needs something special. But what?” Then it hits her. “GODDAMN GREEN BEANS, THAT’S WHAT.”

    But where do the green beans go? Mixed in with the meat? No, Joyce is an artist, dammit. She decides the green beans should be a topping. A cheesy, crowning glory topped with a warm slice of tomato.

    By now, Joyce is feeling a touch mellow and the creativity is flowing. “And why not put the top bun IN THE MIDDLE?!” she thinks. “It’s genius!”

    The rest is history as she creates a meal that is no ordinary sandwich, because Joyce has made a BUNWICH, bitches.

    Bunwiches recipe
    Make ahead hamburger recipe

    I can feel your rising green bean lust from here

    Now you are probably intrigued, but unsure. You may be thinking: “Bad Grandma, hold up. While it’s true that I really do love green beans, I’m not sure if I love them enough to indulge in a sandwich that is this…unnatural.”

    But I say to you that you OWE it to yourself to eat Green Bean Bunwiches at least once in your life. In fact, you may never be able to have a sandwich again without longing for the pleasures of green beany goodness.

    And if you make them and send me photos, I’ll send you the free Bad Grandma dishtowel of your choice. As always, if you want to alter the recipe some to make it easier or more pleasant for your palate, go right ahead – I’ll still send ya the towel. (Like, maybe they would work as sliders? Rolled up in a tortilla? Topping a hamburger?)

    Just send your photos and contact info to grandma (at) badgrandmadesigns.com. I can’t wait to post your green been creations!

    Love and legumes,
    Bad Grandma


    Bad Grandma reserves the right to end this recipe challenge at any time. But I’ll let everyone know before I do 😊.

     

    Recipe Hell: Party Sandwich Loaf

    Bad Grandma Recipe Hell - Party Sandwich Loaf

    Want to slave in the kitchen for hours and gross out your guests? Then this is the recipe for you, sweetie!


    This is an entry into Bad Grandma’s Recipe Hell collection of horrible recipes from yesteryear. Read on to learn how you can get a free Bad Grandma dishtowel if you make this cursed recipe for yourself.

    Lately, Bad Grandma has been seeing pictures of cakes on the internet that look like something else.

    But here, courtesy of the 1971 Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library, is a recipe for SOMETHING ELSE that looks like a cake.

    Get ready to work, bitch.

    The food editor that made up this recipe was kind of a dick - making the poor housewife of yesteryear bust her ass to make this one item of party food.

    First, you have to find a loaf of unsliced sandwich bread that’s perfectly rectangular. Then you have to trim off all the crust, cut it lengthwise twice, and then fuck with it some more.

    You’ll be sick of making it before you even mix the three weird-ass fillings and assemble it all.

    Party Sandwich Loaf 1971

    Your guests will tell you “It looks too pretty to eat” to avoid having to choke down this mess.

    Essentially, what we have here is a loaf of bread spread with three peculiar fillings and then “frosted” with cream cheese.

    It uses mayo to glue together salmon, boiled eggs, olives, and other shit into a dish so bizarre that there is zero chance that everyone at your party with like these intense flavors or be able to eat all the ingredients.

    And for the poor souls that do eat it, imagine mingling with people only to later discover you had stray chunks of this pasty goop stuck your teeth. Horrors. 

    There’s no way it will look like the photo when served.

    THIS PHOTO IS A LIE. A food photographer created the image for this card, but you know damn good and well that the real slices will not look neat and pretty like this. YOU WILL HAVE SALMON SMEARED INTO YOUR CHICKEN AND OLIVE LAYER WITH THE FIRST SLICE.

    Who can cut a loaf of bread with a spatula, anyway? The first person who tries to carve a piece will cause the whole thing to squash down, pooching the filling out the sides like a bad hernia. Grandma predicts the whole thing will slump over like a melting snowman.

    Party Sandwich Loaf Recipe Challenge

    Win a free dishtowel of your choice!

    Who’s up for making this monstrosity?

    Bad Grandma will award a FREE Bad Grandma dishtowel of your choice to anyone who makes this unholy mess and sends photos documenting the effort, preferably with your cute smiling face  (or frowning – do what you feel).

    And hell, if you wanna tweak this recipe to be less time consuming (or less unappetizing), that's okay too. We'll still send you a towel when we see your photos. So for example, you could make this loaf with only one filling or make up little finger sammiches with some of the fillings. It's up to you, babe.

    Send your photos to grandma (at) badgrandmadesigns.com along with your contact info.

    Good luck to you and I look forward to seeing your loaf-tastic endeavors. Hugs, Bad Grandma

     


    Bad Grandma reserves the right to end this offer at any time. But don’t worry, hon, I’ll let everyone know before I do 😊.

    Recipe Hell: Celery Victor

    Recipe Hell: Celery Victor

    Celery Victor: Because vegetables are better when they're beige!


    This is an entry from Bad Grandma’s Recipe Hell collection of freaky recipes from yesteryear. Read on to learn how you can get a free Bad Grandma dishtowel if you try making this truly odd recipe.

    According to Wikipedia, Celery Victor is a salad created in the 1920s. Celery was a very fashionable food in the Roaring 20s and people couldn’t get enough recipes made with it.

    The recipe was created by a chef named – what else – Victor.

    The original salad doesn’t sound bad, actually. You briefly sauté celery sticks in broth, then toss the lightly cooked celery in vinaigrette, mix in chopped red peppers, and chill. It still looks vaguely green even.

    Celery Victor salad

    A real plate of Celery Victor
    Photo courtesy Katje Sabin, Chicago, IL, USA - IMG_1095,
    CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=37444014


    But thanks to the food science geniuses at 1971 General Mills Corporation, we don’t need ANY of that shit. In fact, except for the celery, we don’t need fresh food at all.

    Keep the mystery in your marriage by having your spouse guess what vegetable this is.

    Celery Victor - Bad Grandma Designs
    Seriously, WTF.

    The key to this recipe is to cut up the celery into "bundles", truss it up with twine, and then boil it for FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES until it is the color of putty.

    You then slather it in bottled Italian dressing, and refrigerate, turning the bundles a couple of times like you are marinating a $25 rib eye.

    Then, before serving, you decorate the gelatinous disks with strips of bottled pimiento. It’s horrifying, really.

    Celery Victor instructions

    Are you up to the Celery Victor challenge?

    Make this thing and win a free dishtowel of your choice

    Obviously, this recipe is a lot of work for only 30 calories, especially since you can munch the raw stuff all day with no preparation time needed. Plus FIBER.

    But that wouldn’t be any fun, would it?

    So if you are brave enough to tackle Celery Victor, Bad Grandma will send you a FREE dishtowel of your choice. (Or, if you wanna track down and make the original Celery Victor recipe, I’ll send you a free towel for that too.)

    Just send photos of your creation and your contact info to grandma (at) badgrandmadesigns.com. I will post your pix so everyone can see your kitchen wizardry.

    Have fun and I hope you are Victor-ious! Hugs, Bad Grandma


    Bad Grandma reserves the right to end this recipe challenge at any time. But I’ll let everyone know before I do 😊.