Want to slave in the kitchen for hours and gross out your guests? Then this is the recipe for you, sweetie!
This is an entry into Bad Grandma’s Recipe Hell collection of horrible recipes from yesteryear. Read on to learn how you can get a free Bad Grandma dishtowel if you make this cursed recipe for yourself.
Lately, Bad Grandma has been seeing pictures of cakes on the internet that look like something else.
But here, courtesy of the 1971 Betty Crocker Recipe Card Library, is a recipe for SOMETHING ELSE that looks like a cake.
Get ready to work, bitch.
The food editor that made up this recipe was kind of a dick - making the poor housewife of yesteryear bust her ass to make this one item of party food.
First, you have to find a loaf of unsliced sandwich bread that’s perfectly rectangular. Then you have to trim off all the crust, cut it lengthwise twice, and then fuck with it some more.
You’ll be sick of making it before you even mix the three weird-ass fillings and assemble it all.
Your guests will tell you “It looks too pretty to eat” to avoid having to choke down this mess.
Essentially, what we have here is a loaf of bread spread with three peculiar fillings and then “frosted” with cream cheese.
It uses mayo to glue together salmon, boiled eggs, olives, and other shit into a dish so bizarre that there is zero chance that everyone at your party with like these intense flavors or be able to eat all the ingredients.
And for the poor souls that do eat it, imagine mingling with people only to later discover you had stray chunks of this pasty goop stuck your teeth. Horrors.
There’s no way it will look like the photo when served.
THIS PHOTO IS A LIE. A food photographer created the image for this card, but you know damn good and well that the real slices will not look neat and pretty like this. YOU WILL HAVE SALMON SMEARED INTO YOUR CHICKEN AND OLIVE LAYER WITH THE FIRST SLICE.
Who can cut a loaf of bread with a spatula, anyway? The first person who tries to carve a piece will cause the whole thing to squash down, pooching the filling out the sides like a bad hernia. Grandma predicts the whole thing will slump over like a melting snowman.
Party Sandwich Loaf Recipe Challenge
Win a free dishtowel of your choice!
Who’s up for making this monstrosity?
Bad Grandma will award a FREE Bad Grandma dishtowel of your choice to anyone who makes this unholy mess and sends photos documenting the effort, preferably with your cute smiling face (or frowning – do what you feel).
And hell, if you wanna tweak this recipe to be less time consuming (or less unappetizing), that's okay too. We'll still send you a towel when we see your photos. So for example, you could make this loaf with only one filling or make up little finger sammiches with some of the fillings. It's up to you, babe.
Send your photos to grandma (at) badgrandmadesigns.com along with your contact info.
Good luck to you and I look forward to seeing your loaf-tastic endeavors. Hugs, Bad Grandma